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I was in Washington, D.C., enjoying a latte at the world’s favorite coffee spot (Starbucks) and having a fascinating conversation with a friend of mine, Lana Kim, who is a political refugee from Russia. She was telling me about her latest endeavor, writing a book. When I asked her why she hadn’t done it sooner she said, “I lacked confidence. I didn’t believe that I could do it.”
Have you ever had something taken away from you only to realize how much you appreciated it after it was gone?
I often ask this question when I start one of my talks or seminars on appreciation. As I pause and wait for people to respond, many hands go up.
Most of us have taken someone or something for granted. We only truly realized how much that person or situation meant to us after the fact.
Failure!
Just the word “failure” can send shivers down our spine. If you’re like me and many of my clients, you’re probably not a big fan of failing. However, if you think about some of your biggest failures in life, haven’t they taught you a great deal and been extremely valuable to your growth, your development, and even your happiness in hindsight?
Failure itself isn’t the real issue; it’s our relationship to and our fear of failure that causes us pain and frustration. Think of what your life, your relationships, and your career would be like if you were not afraid to fail? For most of us, this would make things very different.
In the field of human performance and psychology, there has been a lot of new information surrounding life balance.
With the increasing number of personal and professional commitments, people are struggling to find a proper balance for their life. Unfortunately, too often we put off the important things in deference to the immediate things.
Everyone agrees we should spend more time with our family and loved ones, but this is often the first area in the schedule to suffer if there is a crisis at work.
It is easy to tell ourselves that we will make up for this imbalance later in the week, the month, or the year.
The science of physics recognizes two kinds of inertia – both of which can be related to procrastination.
The first law states, “Standing objects tend to remain stationary.” The second law is the inverse: “Moving objects tend to stay in motion.”
Procrastination is stationary inertia. We aren’t moving, and we therefore don’t move!
Procrastination overcome, however, moves us into the arena where the law of motion takes over. We frequently find that once we’ve started a project or process, we stay with it until completion.
Often when we get in touch with our most heartfelt and hopeful dreams what may also surface are some of our doubts. There is an important relationship between (what I refer to as) the Dreamer and the Doubter that live inside of us. It is useful and necessary to develop skills for dealing with our doubt; otherwise your dreams could very well get squelched.
The Dreamer inside of us encourages us with thoughts and comments like, “Yes you can. Go for it. You have what it takes.” By contrast, the internal Doubter voice may challenge and confront with comments such as, “What are you thinking? You’re too old (or too young), you don’t know what you are doing, and you don’t have the money or experience.”
A close friend said’ “If I could only figure this out, I think I could find happiness.” I have heard this before and will hear it again I am sure.
Many people believe that finding happiness is based on finding something else they want. In my experience as a personal coach, no one has ever found long term happiness by achieving another goal. Ultimately, to find happiness is to look within.
In other words, happiness is an inside job. The key to finding happiness is to understand that happiness is a choice and not the result. If happiness can be found as the result of an acquisition, meeting a goal, or having anything, then a person’s happiness will always be subject to something else.
When I began searching for the secrets of success many years ago, I discovered an interesting principle: success leaves tracks. A wise man who had studied success for more than 50 years concluded that the greatest success principle of all was, “learn from the experts.”
If you want to be a big success in any area, find out what other successful people in that area are doing, and do the same things, until you get the same results.
I believe that the great NFL Hall of Fame coach, Vince Lombardi, had it right when he said, “The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.”
Do you agree with coach Lombardi or are you the type of person who has difficulty staying focused and keeping commitments? Do you allow the negative influences of fear, anxiety, self-doubt and worry to dominate your thinking and sabotage your results?
At my workshops, I emphasize how critical it is to develop self-trust. When we trust our self, we are more likely to take risks, and this is an essential quality for pursuing your dreams. The converse is also true. If you don’t trust yourself, you won’t act on your big dreams.
We can deepen or increase this quality by putting the proverbial stake in the ground and committing to act on something that matters to us, even when, (perhaps especially when), the outcome is not guaranteed.