Confidence is often that one thing that determines whether you get hired for that job, seal a business deal, or get that girl. After a certain point, it doesn’t matter what skills you have or don’t have. Great things are often born out of half-baked ideas backed by the powerful belief that it will happen.
Remember what J.M. Barrie, author of Peter Pan, said: you’ll stop flying the moment you start doubting whether you can.
Easier said than done, right? We’re not all born with movie-star good looks or the ability to sweet-talk our way into getting the things we want, Jordan Belfort style.
I’ll let you in on one little secret, though: everyone else is afraid. Everyone. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a high school student or a CEO you’re speaking with: every single person has his / her own demons to battle.
The good news is that this attitude can be learned, if you start forming the right habits.
Here are things you can do to build your confidence.
Take a stand
Confident people don’t act confident because they know that they’re always right: it’s because they’re not afraid to be wrong. They know that always being right doesn’t determine their worth as a person, but the ability to keep learning does.
They don’t mind being proven wrong because they know that learning the truth is more important.
Put your idea out there: it won’t develop and grow if you keep it in a vacuum. Besides, turning ideas over, taking them apart, and putting them back together again is always more fun with a friend.
Let the spotlight shine on others
People who are confident and comfortable with who they are, know that validation comes from themselves and not from other people. They don’t need other people to tell them how good they are — they know. They let their success speak for itself and don’t feel compelled to call others’ attention to it. And if they’re not that good, so what? There are always opportunities to learn and improve.
Know what you’re worth and you’ll see that letting other people bask in public glory doesn’t take away from yours.
Listen to others
Bragging covers up insecurity. People who are on shaky ground will always try to let other people know just how valuable they are, in the hopes that their self-doubt won’t be found out.
Confident people don’t have to do that. They already know who they are; they’re self-aware and they feel no discomfort asking other people what they’re thinking. They’ll want to learn: what you do, how you do it, if you like it, what happens when you do what you do, and what you learned from it. Most importantly, they’ll want to know what they can learn from what you know.
Own your mistakes
Screwing up is an inevitable part of the learning process. Confident people know this, and that’s why they’re not afraid to laugh at themselves when they make mistakes. Over lunch, they’ll even serve you a cautionary tale as a side to your dish.
That’s not even the brilliant part: making fun of yourself takes away that power from other people.
When people see that you have the guts to admit where you went wrong, it automatically makes people respect you.
Fake it ‘til you make it
It doesn’t matter if you feel confident or not. Pretending, and then acting like you are confident, eventually tricks your brain into thinking it. You’ll form confident habits and one day you’ll wake up and realize that you don’t even have to fake it anymore.
Your mind is the most powerful tool in your arsenal. It’s not what you have: it’s what you do with what you have, and what you believe you can do with what you have. Harness the feedback loop: confidence in yourself gives others confidence in you, which in turn validates the confidence you have in yourself.
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Israel Defeo writes for CompareHero, the leading financial comparison portal in Malaysia.