Communication is the art of expressing yourself. Am I right?
It’s a way of letting the world know what is going on inside of you and a method for your inner thoughts to affect the world around you.
Well, at least that’s how most of us define communication. But personally I nowadays use another definition. It’s a much more empowering definition that actually puts Me in charge of everything around me. Here it is:
“The meaning of your communication is the response you get.”
Let that sink in for a while.
So instead of just looking at communication as a way of expressing yourself, let’s add to that by expanding the responsibility. If you think of communication as a tool to reach a response you can actually begin to use your words much more powerfully. Because isn’t it true that the reason we express ourselves in the first place is because we want to affect someone or something. Or in other words, to be at the cause of some effect.
It could be to get someone to take a specific action or it could be to win an argument. Even if you just tell a funny story, the purpose is to make that story affect your audience and not just that you yourself have a fun time telling it.
So in essence, this alternative view of what communication is puts you in control. E.g., if your colleague didn’t do what you told him in your email last week, then look at that as your own responsibility. How could you have communicated in a better way to get the action you wanted? And the next time you speak to your colleague, say “I must have miscommunicated; this is what I meant to say.”
You see, it’s all about you. And if you want to get a specific response from someone, then you better tailor your communication and enter the world of the receiver. Let me share some examples with you for how this can be done in practice.
-Examples of Better Communication
The first way to improve your communication is to use the same words as the person you are speaking with. If the other person said something like “I can’t really see clearly what you want me to do”, and you then reply with the words “Alright, let’s get a handle on this together”, then you might actually get stuck even more.
Why? What’s wrong with that response? you might say. Well, it’s quite subtle, but actually very important. Instead, if you would say “Alright, I will show you what I mean and we can look at this together” then the response you get might be more in line with what you were hoping for.
The simple reason is because we are matching the words of the other person. Since he used the words “see clearly” which are words describing something from the visual sense, we then matched this by using the words “show” and “look at”.
But if you instead would use the word “get a handle” (which is a word from the feeling sense) then you’re not really communicating on the same level as the other person. You see what I mean, right?
The second thing I want to mention here is the use of so called tag lines. You know what those are, don’t you? I mean, you’ve heard them before, haven’t you? And they are pretty powerful, don’t you think?
Okay okay, as you can see, tag lines are those small question words we can put at the end of a sentence to seek agreement. By using these in your normal daily speech, you can actually make sure that the person you are speaking to is following along with you. So instead of just assuming that everything you say is understood, take the time to check if you should proceed or perhaps stop to clarify.
So to summarize – by simply changing the way we look at what communication really is, we can begin to shift our way of expressing ourselves. Instead of only focusing on what’s going inside of you, extend your focus to the other person and try to enter the world of the listener. That way, you can improve your communication and you will be much more likely to get the response you are after.
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Written by Matthew M. McEwan from Early Riser. His site is loaded with tips and insights for how to wake up early and have a great morning.
-What are some additional ideas you would like to share for better communication? Use the comments below.