Me-jection: Giving in to the fear of rejection by rejecting yourself before you even ask for what you want or need.
Me-jection is a number one cause of failure and unhappiness.
It is why salespeople don’t meet their sales goals – they don’t make the necessary calls because they hear the word “No” so concretely in their imaginations it paralyzes them from picking up the phone or knocking on the door.
It is why would-be authors stare at blank yellow pads year after year, never getting around to writing the books that are burning in their souls – they can already see the stack of rejection letters before they’ve written down the first word.
It is why so many people waste away in soul-stultifying jobs – they’d rather face the certainty of misery than the misery of uncertainty.
It is why so many people sit home lonely in front of the television on a weekend night – they are afraid of being turned down if they ask for the date or ask to be included in the group (or worse yet, they imagine going on the date or going out with the group and being “discovered” to be frauds).
Nobody likes to feel rejected – the bone-deep fear of rejection is what makes the threat of exclusion or excommunication so powerful. Yet the only way to achieve your goals in life is to run the risk of hearing that awful word “No” when you were hoping for “Yes.”
In today’s world, rejection is like the Red Badge of Courage – cowards don’t earn very many because they don’t take the risk.
Here are five actions that can help you make sure that you never me-ject yourself.
Action 1: Be a Dionarap (don’t go racing for your dictionary – I made the word up). Dionarap is the word paranoid spelled backwards. Assuming that everyone likes you and wants you to be successful – unless and until proven otherwise – will help you assume the best when you’re asking for what you need.
Action 2: Don’t take “No” personally, because it’s usually not about you. If you apply for a job and don’t get it, it only means that someone else had qualifications that were a better match than yours. More important, if you are a Dionarap, you will appreciate that it also means something even better is right around the corner.
Action 3: Practice the Aladdin Factor. In their book of that title, Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen say that if you keep asking until you have asked the right question of the right person at the right time, you will almost always – eventually – hear the right response.
Action 4: Recognize negative self-talk for what it really is – mental graffiti, the echo of some vandalously painful remark someone made to you long ago that is still echoing around up there in the attic of your mind.
That nasty little graffiti artist is only happy when you are miserable, because that’s the only time you listen to it. But if you are to achieve success and happiness in your life, you need to confront that spoiled inner brat and tell it to shut up.
Action 5: Take to heart what the late Randy Pausch said in his book The Last Lecture: brick walls (aka rejection) are not there to stop you, they are there to make you prove how much you want something.
Finally, keep your perspective. You might not be able to choose whether or not at any given time you are “rejected,” but you choose whether or not to be dejected. And while rejection is an inevitable part of life, as long as you are breathing no one can eject you from the only game that really matters.
Joe Tye is America’s Values Coach. He is also the author of several books and audio programs on personal, career, and business success, and a popular motivational speaker. Visit www.JoeTye.com
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